As I lined up for the Asbury Park Half the morning of April 22, 2017 I was in a very positive mood. Very minimal wind, slightly overcast, and a great turnout! I was ready to rock my second half marathon of the year, but soon into it I found myself questioning why I am a distance runner. Throughout these miles I made a list of things that would be fun to do, but absolutely should not do during a half marathon. Below are what I can remember from my running list of…
What Not to do During a Half Marathon:
- Who runs half marathons anymore, sign up as a walker, and start at the front.
2. Yell, “Let’s make this a duathlon!” and jump off a bridge to the river below.
3. Follow the sign that says, “Short cut this way!” saving seconds anywhere you can!
4. Grab a volunteer’s phone that they are taking pictures with and yell “Catch me if you can!” as you run away with said phone.
5. Punch/trip/run over the lady that sings during the entire duration of the half…
6. SING THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THE HALF
7. Get angry that you did not sign up for only the 5K and flip a table at the water station.
8. Keep up with the elites, they’ll fade after the first few miles.
9. Grab an iced coffee from a spectators hand and casually sip it.
10. Do your business on the outside of a port-a-potty instead of waiting for one to become available.
11. Knock on the door of the biggest house you see and ask to use the bathroom.
12. Steal the yellow lab puppy from the lady watching the race. Do it. I bet he wants to run too.
13. “Hey you wanna go do brunch instead?” *leave course*
14. Pick up the mile markers and throw them away, why do race directors insist on putting cardboard on the ground?
15. Give up*. Obviously. *Unless you are in serious distress or pain.