What Not To Do During the Asbury Park Half Marathon: A fun race recap

As I lined up for the Asbury Park Half the morning of April 22, 2017 I was in a very positive mood. Very minimal wind, slightly overcast, and a great turnout! I was ready to rock my second half marathon of the year, but soon into it I found myself questioning why I am a distance runner. Throughout these miles I made a list of things that would be fun to do, but absolutely should not do during a half marathon. Below are what I can remember from my running list of…

 What Not to do During a Half Marathon:

  1. Who runs half marathons anymore, sign up as a walker, and start at the front.
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2. Yell, “Let’s make this a duathlon!” and jump off a bridge to the river below.

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3. Follow the sign that says, “Short cut this way!” saving seconds anywhere you can!

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 4. Grab a volunteer’s phone that they are taking pictures with and yell “Catch me if you can!” as you run away with said phone.

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5. Punch/trip/run over the lady that sings during the entire duration of the half…

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6. SING THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THE HALF

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7. Get angry that you did not sign up for only the 5K and flip a table at the water station.

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8. Keep up with the elites, they’ll fade after the first few miles.

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9. Grab an iced coffee from a spectators hand and casually sip it.

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10. Do your business on the outside of a port-a-potty instead of waiting for one to become available.

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11. Knock on the door of the biggest house you see and ask to use the bathroom.

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12. Steal the yellow lab puppy from the lady watching the race. Do it. I bet he wants to run too.

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13. “Hey you wanna go do brunch instead?” *leave course*

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14. Pick up the mile markers and throw them away, why do race directors insist on putting cardboard on the ground?

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15. Give up*. Obviously. *Unless you are in serious distress or pain. 

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