“Yeah! We get to go on a run and try on shoes that have not been released yet! How cool is that! Are you excited!? Are you going to run… oh wait.” Her voice took a downward turn as she looked to my ankle. “You can’t run yet. That sucks.”
“Yeah, maybe next time.” I squeaked out as I sank further into my no run depression. With a fake smile plastered on my face I watched as my coworkers, my group, my friends left without me. It would be a very long month, as the envy hits me hard.
I have been bitten by the little green monster, some would call it jealousy. I have watched so much good happen in the past two weeks, so much joy in all your lives and for some reason I’m depressed. PR’s, Boston qualifiers and Olympic trials qualifiers, I am so proud of all of my internet friends; but at the same time jealous.
I know I am lucky, I’m down but not out. I can swim and bike. I can lift and do yoga. But I can’t do what makes me the happiest, I cannot run. While I watch all of you tick off accomplishments on your bucket list I sit questioning if I’ll be able to hit my next goal.
For those of you who do not know I rolled my ankle in September running a 50k at Labor Pains. Being a typical runner, I ignored the problem. I half assed trained for the NYC marathon and then continued to run the Philadelphia marathon as well because I am both bad ass and stupid.
Now I understand this all sounds silly. I am depressed over nothing I only have 15 more days left on the side lines, soon I will be back making plays in the game. I know the cross training that I have been doing is only making me stronger and will help me during my runs. This week I’ll be starting physical therapy and strengthening my ankle back to where it needs to be, which will also help me be stronger and faster.
My next goal is a scary one, at least for me. Within the next few months my bff Shelby and I will start our training for our BQ. In order to do this she will need to drop 45 minutes and me about 30. It’s not going to be easy, it might not be all fun, but in the end it will be worth it. I need to be heeled to complete this goal and to start my training, I understand this, but it’s so hard taking off.
So is this just a slump or is this going to be the strongest comeback ever? Hopefully the later. Don’t get me wrong Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/Wordpress friends I love you all. I am so impressed on what you have accomplished this year, and you’re such an inspiration for me. I am happy for you, but I’m also jealous. Don’t be mad at me, and please don’t be upset but in two weeks this jealousy is going to fuel my training. Thank you.